The Sophisticate

Our eldest daughter, The Sophisticate, is a woman of many talents. As we face the last semester at the University, she is honing the skills she learned at my knee...or on my hip...or in my car....or being dragged along on my wild, over-extended commitments. So,let's see how she's doing on some critical life skills.

CAJOLE: The hand on the hip says, "Get back over here and smile." She uses this hand on the hip and teasing smile when she is teaching second grade, and trying to round up everyone for a picture. Apparently her man, Cubbie is no stranger to cajoling. Future life skill - cajole children and their parents at school, church, home, vacation, clubs, outings, reunions - useful for teachers, room mothers, sunday school teachers, scout leaders, sorority presidents, any kind of semi-pro mother. This PARTICULAR day, the brothers didn't want any part of the picture, so cajoling was in order. But awesome tie on Cubbie. (THAT particular talent, Ruthless Shopping is not on the table today.)MAXIMIZE and HURRY "I'm just trying to get this done as quick as possible. It's bright and freezing." FALSE. She wanted to make sure we all saw her manicure, and it's hard to get that in the picture. Future life skill - maximize the manicure - useful for professional anybodies - especially useful for carpool lines, women's clubs, and avoiding cleaing up the kitchen...maximize the manicure. Always.
BE IN THE PICTURE: And here they are at last - LINED UP and SMILING - thanks in large part to her persuasive effort. And, she's making sure that she doesn't get left out of the shot. Future life skill - make sure you DOCUMENT everything. Don't do all the work and then not even BE THERE. Document, document, document. So it's documented - The Sophisticate was on the deck.SHOW UP and TIE BOWS: The Sophisticate can tie a bow like no one else in these parts, nay in the whole world. If there were a Bravo reality show on bow-tying, The Sophisticate would be the HOSTESS - the PADMA of TOP BOW. This particular day, 64 perfect bows on chairs in under 90 minutes. Future life skill - bow tying. No shortage of applications: gift wrap of all kinds and types, bows on wreaths, hair bows, tying string around a bunch of papers to recycle, tying bows on wedding programs, tying sashes on the backs of dresses. Second life skill - showing up to help her mother get the bows on the chairs. Excellent life skill - showing up to help. OK, so those are all related to mother skills. Good plan. DON'T GET TO A SIZE 60:That is a single pair of seersucker pants, waist size 60. Pretty Pretty Princess and The Sophisticate took one leg each. Two girls, one pair of pants. Striped pants, no less. And they are both smiling. Future life skill - make sure you are smaller than HALF the size of pants that big. Also, pick up stuff on the spur of the moment at the Thrift Store, because nothing beats a good costume box, which is where these pants are.WORK the PARTY: At a party, listen carefully, even if it means getting a kind of fixed yet distant stare that simulates your fascination with the other person.... and hold your wine glass gracefully. The Sophisticate can hold her own at a party. Behind her are all the bows she had tied 4 hours earlier. Future life skill - work the cocktail party. Laugh a lot. Things get tough; life can be dark and twisty sometimes. Everybody gets tired, and everyone doesn't always want to do it your way. The world is inherently unfair. Laughing works on most all of that. The Sophisticate uses her prodigious laughing skill to the fullest. I'm really, really grateful for that. It changes her world and it changes ours too.FIND THE SHADE. In these hot and muggy parts, the shade is your friend. And somehow, she has all those men looking right at her. PPP is NOT looking at her. The Sophisticate has these gentlemen right where she wants them, in the shade. Hug a lot. And hang on tight. Just saying.

Still Sudsy at the LAUN-DRO-MAT

Well, here we are 30 days later and we are still at the laundromat. It's not necessary to belabor the whole issue with my 4 year old MAYTAG top of the line, thousand dollar, Neptune washing machine, which is terminally broken. There's already been a class action lawsuit about this washer, but it's over now. No more claims. But let's not talk about that, it's so very, very sad. And I am so very, very, very mad.

I love the laundromat - I love the smells, and I love the people, and I love the speed. We are completely done, washed, dried and folded in less than an hour and a half. And there are so many fun things to see and do at the laundromat. We know this, because we are spending about 2 afternoons a week there.

It's a warm and bright and happy place. The west facing windows let the brutal summer sun to bear down on the already blazing hot laundromat - no, let's see - the beautiful rays of the sun gloriously shining from the west make the top of the washers an ideal place to grow houseplants. And so let's see how they grow in that warm, bright, moist environment.

This plant is big ....and lush...and has hairy things all over the leaves. Wait, it's lint. The leaves and stems and even the dirt are covered with lint.And this plant, in its natural state is purple. This version is not only covered with lint, but that new growth, back near the pot, it's just made some sort of mutation to accommodate the laundry...no longer purple, rather a pink spotted version of this purple plant. Trust me, it doesn't look right. It looks very, very ...not right.

We have our laundromat routine down to a science. No matter how many loads we have, no matter how many sheets and towels, comforters, dirty socks...not matter how much, it will take us 1 hour and 20 - 30 minutes.

Because we use as many washers and dryers as it takes to finish in that time - about 8 or 9 of those mega size things. Which MAY mean that other people in the laundromat are waiting. . . but they won't wait long, because it's all about speed for us. I have raced a woman to a dryer before. The first time, I felt guilty and let her have it. No more. No pity in the laundromat.

BigB, our elder son, doesn't like for his shirts to go into the dryer, since they heat up to about 493 degrees. thus shrinking the shirts to a size that might fit a stuffed animal. Since BigB is way more than 6 feet tall, and the short, bare mid-riff look doesn't do much for him, we stretch the shirts, then hang them to dry. It doesn't take very long, so it works for me.

The two person technique is most effective. PPP works really hard on this, since she doesn't much like for her midriff to be bare either. She can relate. Young Son, not so much. Whatever, work fast and get out. Even when we are on the clock, I remain mesmerized by the suds. The young ones are stretching shirts, and I am watching the suds. And possibly having a heat stroke. Or a hot flash. Or both. N.B.: this particular washer is labelled as if it were in a Harry Potter laundromat, what with the instructions about the 'programme.'I was SO mesmerized that I didn't notice that another of my 17 washers in use was dripping. The Laundry Lady noticed, and started piling up the towels under the drip. And panicking. This happens when a piece of laundry is stuck in the door and 'breaks the seal' so the water runs out. In this case, it was the string in a pair of pajama pants. The Laundry Lady gets pretty agitated and asks if we are going to be late for an appointment or a meeting. Do these people look like they are going to be late for a meeting? I didn't think so. Laundry Lady, bless her agitated heart, decided that the thing to do was to unplug the machine, open the door, get the string out, then start it up again, to avoid possibly....letting the water keep dripping out. I offered the services of Young Son, a strapping and agile young man who is also obedient. She declined, all the while, calling him 'sir.' "Sir, you'll have to step away. This is dangerous." Sir? Seriously? He's a 15 year old smart-ass. Obedient and strapping, but a smart ass nonetheless. He is not yet a 'sir'. I have seen him after lax summer league and when he has a headache. Not 'sir.' Not yet.So this was her solution. After re-arranging the mutant and fuzzy plants, she kicked off her keds and jumped up on those washers...and did this. Twice. Once to unplug it, once to plug it back in. There were sound effects. Not so many people are taking pictures in the laundromat, so I try to be discreet. Ok, I'm the only one taking pictures. I was mesmerized again, by the sight of the Laundry Lady with her head down behind the row of washers. ALL of which contained my clothes - and the ones on the other side too. Sorry, other patrons.
I was so engrossed in the whole head-behind-the-washer scenario that I let this happen. These are our wet clothes, and they are sitting in the washer. We don't let that happen. Part of our technique is speed. The instant the machine stops, we pull the clothes out and throw the wet clothes into about 4 dryers per washer. My attention was diverted and I let this happen. And then, to make matters worse, I made my minions wait while I took the picture.
So, we got the clothes in the dryer. But here's the question. Is there no justice? I am spending HOURS in the laundromat because my washer is broken, and so I go to the laundromat....and the washer breaks. It added at least 10 minutes to our time. Not fair. And she called my Young Son 'Sir'. Just saying.