Sunday, October 5, 2008

Lost my voice

I have nothing to say. These minions of mine are plowing ahead with school and work and sports and student teaching and college choices ...and I have lost my voice. For a couple of weeks. Or a couple of months. It feels like a couple of years.

So what is up with that? I am nothing if not verbose.I have said more about high school football than needs to be said. I spend more time cutting words out here in this quiet little corner of the world. Editing is my hobby.

I do find time for blog reading. OK, actually, I am obsessively caught up in the baby-drama that is all over the place.
Perhaps I enmeshed in a sort of voyeuristic nether-world. Maybe it's a God-thing. Or I'm lazy, one of those, perhaps.
I am also intrigued with gossip about my BFF Pam, and her Jim. That would be my fictional BFF Pam from The Office. Whatever....WAY too busy to write anything. Or delusional.
Shonda Rhimes, that goddess of television drama, blogs about the current installment of Grey's, and that's a good read. Man, that girl can write. I could possibly write, if I did in fact do it. Ever.I'm so easily distracted. Wait, what's Kikibibi up to? Seriously. I think about writing, but I haven't visited Mabel's House and I haven't checked on Migraine Mom. I haven't clicked "Next Blog" 3246 times lately. A lot I do that clicking thing.

So, what is up? I'll tell you what is up. I am intimidated.
My father used to intimidate me, though my students rarely intimidate me. Intimidated or not, I usually just plow ahead. With words anyway .

Amidst the wealth of eloquence and photography, of pithiness and wordiness, of grief and joy and pure unadulterated awesome writing, I'm less sure of what I have to say.
I just have some lame little thoughts about growing into the mother of adult children, keeping our home their home, without losing my mind or their hearts. No recipes included.But they - the ones who already love me, the ones who are growing into young adults with grace and determination- like to read it. OK, BigB doesn't like to read it, but ... some day. So, maybe I should just forge ahead. Plow on through the words.I will never write like NieNie and her sister CJane. I hope my children grow up to be sisters and brothers with as much love and loyalty and compassion as they have. And that I can find my voice to write about it.


Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Ann, I for one eagerly await your blog posts. I really like to read what you and yours are up to. I find your posts interesting, and well written, although I admit to not being a baseball fan.
Did I miss something in the sentence, when you wrote about telling your father what you wanted to do as a adult? What was it?
The last few sentences show that you are finding your voice. Sometimes we need a little loss, to bring out the best in ourselves. It will come.

kikibibi said...

Well m'dear, you may have jolted me out of my silence. I've been up to... being in a funk. Sadness, sickness and stress coupled with very little time have caused my column to go dark for a little bit. It'll come back, soon.

Thank you for mentioning me.

And seriously? (he he, just a little Grey's shout out for ya) I really did get a little jolt seeing my name in your post - like when you're speeding and you fly by a cop hiding on a side street and you have that sudden flush of adrenaline? Strange but nice feeling!

Kathryn said...

I love me some Pam and Jim.

I think we all need to find our voice sometimes. I gets lost now and then.
Love that last paragraph.

Liz said...

I think your voice is marvelous. Use it. Shout with it.

Anonymous said...

But I LOVE reading you! I check you daily, even though I am supposed to be studying this week, to see if you've written. I love the pictures you include with each post and seeing your children just makes me feel's a glimpse into the world I can look forward to when my children get older. Keep writing becaug I love reading it!