Friday, June 27, 2008

I married BigD

Friday, June 27th, was our wedding anniversary. A few years ago we went to the church, amidst a lot of hoopla, and had a wedding. We were like the main event. It was a lovely affair, you can ask my mother, plus we have a book of pictures to prove it. Every time I stand at the front of the church, I think about that day. I also think about the days we baptized all our babies in the same spot. Also the day that our eldest son, who was in the Cherub Choir (age 4) leaned into the strategically placed microphone and sang an unplanned solo that began "Maaaaa- eh-reee had a bay-bay-bay-bee." during the precious little Cherub Choir's Christmas program during 'big church.' Those are all fleeting thoughts.

On June 27, in whatever year that was (BigD keeps up with those details), we had no idea at all what we were doing. None, or nil (international soccer talk). We said things like "I will love, honor, comfort and keep you." Keep... where? Keep what? BigD thought we would get married and then he, as KEN, would keep me, as Barbie, in a dream house. On the other hand, I was overwhelmed with the thank you notes and consumed with the desire to make better lasagna than his mother made. I won.
I now realize that the 'keep' means 'keep on' - much of being married is centered on 'keeping on.' AND. . . sitting in a lot of fields, gyms, and auditoriums, for years. That's not in the vows. Of all the things that BigD is, he's the DAD of this brood, and it's good to have him walking this children - laden road alongside.
He's a strong guy - most likely, BigD is physically holding them in place to get that picture made. Not only did we get married on that single day, we have decided to be married every single day since then. As a wedding planning woman, I have stood at the back of many churches for hundreds of weddings. Every single time, I think..."Whoa, you have no idea what you're saying right now."
Take these two - Chili and his Lovely Bride - I'm feeling OK about them, since they seem to know how to listen to each other. But still, they have no idea what's ahead. That's a very, very good thing, the not knowing what's ahead...because seriously, how would we have prepared for what it was like when my frail and increasingly confused in-laws were living in this house with us and our many small children, all of whom resumed thumb-sucking in that time period. Or how easily and willingly he slid into the role of 'dad' for our bonus child. Or what it might be like to huddle in the dark in the bathroom during a wicked storm that sent a tree midline through the house.Yeah, you're laughing now, buddy, now that nobody is in diapers, and you get to sleep all night, and the rain is no longer pouring through the 5 holes in the roof and you're all dressed up in your new Easter tie.

Should we have said things like...I'll cut up the meat, in sickness and in health?How about... I'll set out the luminaria, the most miserable job in my universe, for better .... ....or for worse, we'll both get up at 5 a.m. to take the young ones to the buses leaving the church for the beach trip, because at 5:30 a.m. anything's better together.For richer (garden soil) I'll move the compost to the flower bed.

...for poorer....I'm at "the store" - Saks on Fifth in NYC at Christmas - on BUSINESS, so it doesn't count - but here's a picture. This is an aside, but when BigB, our eldest, was in about 4th grade, he had miser as a vocabulary word. You'll never guess who he gave as an example of miser. It was NOT his mother.To love and to cherish ...and we've already talked about the sunglasses...but OK, whatever, it's our anniversary. Buckshot likes to have serious conversations with him. BigD actually knows what Buckshot is saying.

My favorite line of the wedding service is probably "With all that I am and all that I have, I honor you." That's easy to say when you're all dressed up, and there are flowers and music and candles.... but, the real honoring comes every single day.

And TODAY, BigD, I am going to honor you by NOT putting in the picture of you snoring on the couch.But, from this day forward, I'll bet PPP is more careful about making faces at the camera.

1 comment:

carolyn said...

Happy Anniversary! You're SO right about it being better to NOT know what's coming. We've only been married 14 years and phew! if I knew then what I know now. I'd still do it - but I would have bought better insurance.