Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A dozen eggs

That yellow light in all that white soap kind of makes you think of an egg yolk. Cool, right? No. Not cool. The car + me in the carwash at 7:11 a.m - not cool at all. I should have been drinking delicious Community coffee and preparing for my meeting. Was it in my plan to wash BigB's car at 7:11 AM? NO. I was there because some pitiful punk somebodies (or a large urban chicken) deposited a dozen eggs on this car in the wee hours of the morning.

Actually, it was 3:37 in the wee hours of the morning, and I know this because Emma

and Buckshot, the wicked and vicious guard dogs were barking ferociously. (this sounds like a 6th grade sentence-writing exercise... it's just the anticipated onslaught of school. 6th graders, 7th graders, 8th graders....oh my.) The yellow is goopy egg yolk all down in the workings of this car. These days, the soap at the self-serve car wash is color-coded. Pink for the foam brush, yellow for the bug cleaner, purple for the spotless-dry finish. I was hoping that 'bug cleaner' would also serve as 'egg cleaner.' SURPRISE! I got the foam brush, evidently pink. If you look closely at the first picture you will see the PINK foam gushing out of the brush, while it's hanging on the wall. . . not washing the car. As it happened, regardless of the color of the soap, I ended up picking yolk and shell off with my fingernail.

And HERE is the little timer that tells me how much TIME is left before the colored soap cuts off. One quarter gives me one minute of time. And, I am spending time taking pictures. I could do this because I was the only single person out and about in my bizarre little car-wash world at 7:11 a.m. What the hell - if I want to take pictures at the car wash, then that's what I was doing, using up my soap minutes. The Young Son was of course at football workout. And everyone else was asleep. And BigD is working out of town. So.....I was at the car wash. 11 quarters worth of car wash. I don't intend to be sweating in the car wash that early. EVER AGAIN.And here is an egg shell still on the driveway. My FIRST thought, at 6:40 this morning was that perhaps a huge chicken had nested in a tree above the car and thrown all her eggs out in a fit of chicken-fury. Seriously, that is how unfathomable it was that a dozen eggs were splattered all over the driveway and the car. And we have 5 children in and out of here regularly. 3 of them are under 21. I was trying to make sense of a chicken nested in a tree in suburbia, having a fit and tossing her eggs. I could see that in my head. THAT made sense to me. Sort of. No, actually A LOT.

The Young Son's parting remark as he got out of the car at football on time was "Mom, you better get that egg off the car quick, I think it does something bad to the car." Really? I never knew that, after 13 years of parenting a teenager. I did hear later today from PPP that had it been bologna, the paint would have peeled off the car when we removed the bologna. So....don't go out and 'bologna' someone's car, OK? Also, reconsider eating bologna if it's secondary purpose is auto paint removal. Seriously.
So, I rushed to get the egg off at the self service car wash. . . before it did something bad to the car. Then I went and did the other kind of work I do - a meeting at school, in preparation for ...well, you know, school stuff. During that meeting, I got a text:

from BigB: So is my car totally messed (he used another word)up forever because of some punk friends of PPP and my stupid (again, not his word) brother? paraphrased

from me: No, it's fine. I went straight to the car wash.

I was in a meeting and did not scream at the top of my lungs. I waited to do that until I got into the car. Which was very clean on the outside.

I got home at 11:00 a.m., and found the eggs STILL on the driveway (those SAME eggs we first noticed at 6:40 a.m.) and the minions lounging inside. I walked in and stared in shock. SO...immediately the minions scattered with hoses and scrub brushes and brooms ....AS IF the whole clean-up thing was their own idea. The eggs were already baked into the driveway. We left the shells that fell in the garden right where they landed - compost.


Angeline said...

This is a horrible way to start the day! How ridiculous can these culprits be?!

kikibibi said...

That's terrible! But your post is hilarious, so I hope that means you're able to look at this egg incident with some laughter.

My young son now his his driving permit, which means he drives and I ride to the 7am football practices. Today we had a lesson on why it's ok for me to exceed the speed limit when we're late for football, but it's not ok for him.

I'm still trying to get a handle on all your kids. I picked up on 2 girls - PPP and The Sophisticate, and at least 2 boys - BigB and Young Son. Who's the Bride? Another daughter. And is there another son?

Liz said...

First; you are the queen of multitasking. Seriously, my hat is off to any woman that can wash a car and take photos... all while being timed.

And two; I had no idea about bolognia. Wow. That could really ruin your day.

Anonymous said...

Oh yuck! I must say though, I love how you find the humor in the things that make you want to scream! :)

Willie Beamen said...

BigB, the Sophisticate, PPP, and Young son are the children. The bride is a friend's daughter. The fifth child is "bonus child" which is explained on "Night in the Gallery"

Anonymous said...

Oh yuck! Did you ever find out who or what did it? Was it a school prank gone wrong?