Monday, July 21, 2008

That is what dumped out of BigD's suitcase when he got home from New York. Two dress shirts, dirty socks, and three shoes. You are correct, my bed is not made up.

BigD works in New York, a lot. So, getting ready and to the airport on those mornings is kind of routine. To get to the airport, we left home about 6:30a.m., seeing that we had to take our Young Son to football workout, which is of course step one for him in Total Physical Exhaustion. We were all pretty quiet. And pretty sleepy. Everyone got to his proper place at the proper time, including me - who had to go to a workshop all day long. Shortly after lunch, my purse started vibrating. Being that I am text literate, I was aware that it would require a text response. We don't use many abreve's. Because we are old.

From BigD :Could you pls chk my closet and send me the Black Right Shoe. Send it FedEx First Delivery to arrive before 8am. Thanks.

From BigD: The Cole-Haan black shoe. Right foot.

From me: What? I'm at school all day today.

From BigD: Send the black Cole Haan right shoe. Send it First Delivery by FedEx. I will email you the address later.

From me: Now? I'm in this meeting all day.

BigD: Send it today before the last pick up. I need it before 8 am tomorrow.

From Me: OK, just the right shoe?

BigD: Yes. I'm at the All Stars Parade.

From me: So, you just want me to send one shoe?

From BigD: The right Black Cole Haan. You should see all the people at the parade. I wish I had a ticket to the game. It's like 5 deep on the sidewalk.

From me: OK, but I can't send it now.

From BigD: The baseball players are right in front of me. It's great. I'm just about 5 people back. I'm looking at A-Rod.

From me: Did you just take one shoe?

From BigD: Just make sure you get to FedEx tonight. I'll send you the address when I get back to the hotel. Right now I'm at this parade.

That took about 10 minutes of brrrrrp -ing in my purse, probably during an eloquent technology presentation to a bunch of teachers with laptops open. I personally was looking through my pictures and trashing from last year. I feel sure we must have been on a break of some kind. Because I always pay close attention to tech presentations.

Later - almost too much later - I remembered the shoe. So, I went to the closet, expecting to find, amidst the dirty laundry, shoes - and I knew I had to get the black Cole Haan, right foot. What I found were just two shoes - a black Cole Haan, as predicted and a BROWN shoe. Really brown, not so dark that it would be easy to get confused. Not another black shoe so that one might have gotten the styles mixed up. NO - a BROWN shoe and THE black shoe.

So.... BigD had packed his bag and taken two left shoes, one black smooth Cole Haan left shoe, and one rougher, definitely heavier, brown left shoe. I was stunned. When I held the two shoes in my hands I could tell they didn't match - they didn't feel the same, they didn't weigh the same, they didn't LOOK the same. More texting.

from ME: You took 2 left shoes.
From BigD: I know. Send me the right black Cole Haan Shoe.
from ME: You took two shoes that look nothing alike.
from BigD: I know I have the damn shoes in front of me. Make sure it gets here first delivery on Fed Ex.
from ME: send me the address

TEXT silence from BigD. Actually, he HAD sent the address, I just couldn't find it. The Sophisticate retreived the address of the hotel from him on the way to FedEx. And, we stuffed the shoe into a FedEx box and sent it on its way, stuck with big red stickers that said FIRST DELIVERY all over it. I was afraid the shoe was going to be flat on arrival. But MY part was the stuffing into the box and the addressing. He would have to deal with potential flatness.

Next morning texting
from Me: Did you get the shoe.
From BigD: Yes. Thank you. (terse, meant he was in a meeting)
From me: Is it flat?
From BigD: It's fine.
From Me: Bring the FedEx box home.

More text silence. He did not bring the box home. I am going to assume it was already in the trash. He KNEW it would show up here for the world to see. And he was right. A long part of that day (that would be the day I was in tech seminars at school all day) I wondered how he got to New York with two so grossly mismatched shoes. What shoes he was actually wearing when he left? Then I realized the why and the how he got to New York with mismatched shoes.

He packed his bag in the early morning dark of our bedroom, so he didn't wake me up any earlier than he had to.

And that, my friends, is how one stays married with many children for a long, long time. I was delighted to send the shoe. My pleasure.


Anonymous said...

Tooo funny! We actually take our shoes off in the house so one time my hubby drove all the way to work in his bare feet (socks only) wasn't until he got to work (1 hour away) that he realized that he had forgotten his shoes at!

Liz said...

This is hilarious. I'm amazed by man-world... it makes my brain hurt.

Kathryn said...

HAHAHA!!! That is an awesome story. It sounds just like me and my hubby. :)

Angeline said...

*laugh* completely hilarious!

Anonymous said...

It makes me wonder what other strange and unusual things are in other FedEx boxes.

LOL! I loved this.
P.S. Thanks for your kind words and advice.

kikibibi said...

Well aren't you just lovely! Thank you for commenting on my blog, and allowing me to follow the link over to yours. I've got some reading to do! At first glance, looks like we have plenty in common - my husband is also DB and he works in New York a lot too!

kikibibi said...

Wait, let me revise that - my husband is DB, and sometimes I call him BigD... just not in public! :-)

alala said...

Hahahaha Husbands! Except, in our family, that'd be me. I once spent an entire weekend with the kids at Legoland in my house slippers. I had so many other details to keep track of, I completely forgot about shoes.